What I could do now?

Another story, another day. I don't know if it right to do things I'm doing now. I feel despair... I'm terrified. If it would be the right choice I don't want give it a chance to happen.
But not all the stories ends. Some of them continues after last dot. Same for me, I want to have continue of my story. I may find it in another day. I may not.
But to be honest I want to change the things I have right now. I want those things to be beautiful and not what they are.
I wanted to change peoples mind
But...
I failed.

Could I forgive myself?